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August 14, 2021
WIND BAG: Anna Soubry. Pic by Wikipedia

I MUST warn all readers – especially lonely single middle-aged white men who don’t like their mothers, can’t get a girlfriend while blaming that on women who don’t want to have sex with them and own a fully-loaded shotgun which they keep under their bed – that this blog will from now on be a zero tolerance zone for any outbursts or minor episodes absolutely whatsoever of harassment, abuse or microaggression no matter how minor, contestable or debatable towards women absolutely whatsoever absolutely.

Women must be able to walk our streets totally naked if they choose in daylight and in darkness free and unblemished without fear of personal attacks of any kind absolutely whatsoever and there can be no place absolutely whatsoever for outbursts or minor episodes absolutely whatsoever from sick, sad male losers of abuse or microaggression towards women absolutely whatsoever, especially from gun-wielding men who can’t get laid absolutely whatsoever.

This blog will be a safe space with no tolerance of intolerance absolutely whatsoever where they will be treated absolutely whatsoever at all times absolutely whatsoever with the highest of praise and total adoration and worship which they totally deserve absolutely whatsoever and this will be meted out generously in a spirit of lavish, unceasing and totally unconditional positive regard absolutely whatsoever.

Let no man shrink from his duties to women to venerate, praise, always agree with, never make sexist remarks to, encourage and celebrate without ever mentioning body parts even if they are displayed prominently in enticing lingerie specifically designed to tease and thrill (often for financial reward in titty bars and lowdown hovels), miss out on promotion to enable them to progress in equality of outcome quotas and rigged shortlists, suggest that they should apply for jobs you know you are not going to get and tell them after you always knew they were the best candidate and got it strictly on merit absolutely whatsoever, agree absolutely whatsoever that they know as much if not more about sport as men and that women’s sport should get more funding with more female presenters getting equal if not higher pay than men (why would you even question that? of course Eleanor Oldroyd knows more about cricket than dreadful old dinosaurs like Geoff Boycott, you silly billy) agree absolutely whatsoever with anyone who says “women bring more to the workplace than men and should be rewarded better”, never hold a door for a woman and never even hope that they will hold one for you, entirely agree that women should have refuges and safe spaces from men while male-only clubs should face closure if they refuse to let women in, there should be a Woman’s Hour but no Men’s Hour, of course there should (what on earth would men talk about, for God’s sake?), campaign vigorously to make misogyny a hate crime and a form of terrorism but when anyone asks you about misandry you say you don’t know what it means, is it even a word? I don’t think so. Oh, and never, ever mention the word “marriage” unless it is a same sex one to which you have been invited but only if it is in Cowbridge or Bloomsbury.

There is only one exemption presently – step forward former MP and journalist Anna Soubry.

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