Skip to content


May 2, 2022

POOR people in the decaying, death rattling terminally blighted South Wales valleys – no buses after 6pm or on Sundays, jobless youths congregating menacingly while stealing, dealing and reeling, household bills escalating with no hope of an end – are today fretting and worrying, tossing and turning unable to sleep so up and about in the early hours of the morning racking their brains for a solution to that horny old problem of just how we keep Chris Bryant safe from being touched up in the House of Commons.

“Come back to bed, Dai, it’s no use fretting and crying at 4am when you could be soundly asleep, love,” Mrs Jones says to Mr Jones in the kitchen at number 49.

“I know, I know, Myfanwy……. but in the morning we’ll still have Chris being wolf-whistled at and touched up by some back-bencher watching porn. ……and think of all those lovely, attractive, virtuous women, love, having to put up with all that sexism and misogyny in the Commons and the Senedd, eh. They’re not safe….not safe, I tell you.”

If only Chris could get out of his plush, lavish London abode and go to number 49 to reassure Mr and Mrs Jones that he will somehow stay safe in his taxpayer-funded houses on generous pay and expenses so they can enjoy a good night’s sleep – safety not exactly being something which was uppermost in his mind when he posed “HORNY AS BUGGERY” in his tighty whities on Gaydar and appealed for someone, somewhere to give him a “GOOD, LONG FUCK”.

Former church priest Bryant, who quit after deciding that being a cleric and being gay were incompatible, claimed over £92,000 in expenses over five years leading up to the expenses scandal in 2009 and he flipped his second-home expenses twice. He claimed mortgage interest expenses that started at £7,800 per year before rising (after flipping) to £12,000 per year. He also claimed £6,400 in stamp duty and other fees on his most recent purchase, and £6,000 per year in service charges.

Being lectured by Chris on sexual or financial matters is rather like having to attend a seminar on pacifism and non-violent solutions run by the Kray twins in a 1960s Bethnal Green public house.

Rhodri Morgan’s comment to the Guardian in 2003 that it was “one of those stories that gay people have to put up with from time to time” is hugely illuminating. Was the story about Tory Neil Parish viewing porn on his mobile then “a story that straight people have to put up with from time to time” or is it one rule for straight people and another for gay, bi and trans people now?

No comments yet

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: