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July 6, 2022

STUCK in a death circle of half to whopping full untruths spoken in mainly carefully prepared and rehearsed utterances designed to deceive and obfuscate (“there can be no place for the sort of despicable behaviour we have just witnessed in our party” nonsensically saying there is no place for it when it has already happened, XXXXXXX idiot), he staggers on busted and broken down oxymoron road near non-sequitur street – not because he is the wrong man for the job but because now a universally imposed artificially concocted and confected high moral sanctity, opprobrium and judgement has ensured that Boris Johnson CANNOT ever tell the truth and nor, indeed, can anyone else any more.

The mad rush to seem sanctimonious and raise yourself above everyone to high altar (which, taken to it’s natural conclusion, will bring us unfrocked nun Yvette Cooper dispensing radical feminist, trans, eco BLM neo-Marxist Bibles in coruscating closed convents, permanently affronted and slighted forever on the arid and righteous high ground with a rictus disgusted stare to make you worry that you just let rip a particularly obnoxious smelling and toxic fart directly in her direction until you realise that she looks like that all the time) during the COVID-19 pandemic has now ushered in a political hair-shirt and mask wearing high church priesthood of personal saviours with impeccable ethics and spotless personal behaviour oddly in arenas not noted for such things but which more often harbours oddballs, con artists and perverts a bit like Chris Pincher by name Pincher by nature.

But these are not and never were meant to be people we looked up to. You don’t buy a car or a house from a robotic egg-headed Sajid Javid-sounding absolutely faultless automaton with earnest and intense intentions but you might from Saucy Sal down the caf with that personal patter and those racy lines.

Suddenly, we have to believe our politicians are telling us the truth – not the far more realistic and sensible expectation of the version of the truth that we want to hear. Why?

In their millions, people told half to whopping full untruths themselves during the pandemic to claim just about anything that was going from furlough money to inventing new businesses which weren’t businesses at all but set up just to milk the Treasury of lucrative “emergency aid and financial assistance to keep afloat”.

The level of fraud was staggering, confirming, for me, that even when the end of the world finally does arrive someone, somewhere will be furiously stealing the lead off the church roof convinced it’s a hoax.

It all went horribly pear-shaped around 2020 when we suddenly were told by Boris Johnson how to wash our hands and how often we should do it. Nobody asked him how he washed his hands and how often. We’re still stuck in that dangerous dependent gap of wanting to believe that what they say is true.

Why didn’t someone say “YOU, telling us to wash our hands? Are you serious? Isn’t that a bit like Keir Starmer giving us free legal advice or prosecuting Jimmy Savile?”

But we were in an emergency and so our health and safety suddenly became a political issue and these herberts were elevated for some reason alongside medical and scientific authority figures as worship leaders and we were deliberately lowered to congregation or audience members whose questions were never answered.

“Just believe,” the reverend Johnson kept intoning and chanting, “just believe and we will get through this together.”

While we were silently at prayer or cooped up in confinement slavering over laptops in dim, darkened bedrooms not breathing on anyone, however, likely lads, lasses and bits of both were helping themselves to the communion wine, getting high as kites at parties we weren’t supposed to have and loading up on free gear.

A strange kind of cruelly manipulative doublespeak which we far, far too readily want to believe if our lives are in danger set in during the pandemic (a bit like believing a bank robber who says “don’t worry, there aren’t any bullets in the gun I’m pointing at you” which extends over time until eventually you see so many of his/her positive traits that you want to ask him/her to marry you). This has partly explained why Boris Johnson has succeeded and certainly explains Drakeford and Sturgeon (who, of course, never lie).

I expect all politicians to tell me there aren’t any bullets in their fully-loaded guns because they tell you what you want to hear so relying on them – EVER – to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth is foolish.

What disturbs me most is that the type of truth people appear now to want to hear from their politicians – and they will line up hungrily to tell it to you from the left – is a pack of lies far, far worse than any of the wild whoppers Boris Johnson tells.

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