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November 5, 2022

POLICE recruits were asked if they belonged to orange lodges or secret societies in the 1800s as part of their entrance exams though I have no idea if being in either was seen as an advantage or a disadvantage within what was then a new force not an old service.

They are required to investigate crimes without fear or favour and without establishing political motivation in the way they really rather disturbingly seem to be doing in this story about an arson in Dover, Inspector Plod seeming to happily conclude that it was “far-right extremists” at work without, I sense, anyone actually asking them to make that deduction.

Sceptical and forensic Sherlock Holmes might have asked Plod to explain his methodology in this case rather than just simply accept whatever they concluded but the usual suspects like the odiously prim and superior Yvette Cooper and her Zabutonian fans in Bloomsbury and Cowbridge manning BBC switchboards recording “hate crimes” are much more likely to accept whatever this progressive political commissioner-led police now says totally unquestioningly and unconditionally.

Traditionally, of course, a life on the beat as a “boy in blue” (women were not allowed until 1919) offered an impressively uniformed, equally impressively and richly subsidised safe haven for “far-right extremists” to wield weapons at will against loony lefty liberals.

A police canteen culture of mostly white male hetero-normative rampant sexism and misogyny ruled, their truncheons wielded as phalic symbols of oppression, with orange lodges and secret societies like the freemasons’ and the buffaloes offering fraternal social outlets where closer connections and co-operation could be forged in comfort with all safely sworn to serve the King or Queen so trebbles all round at the bar.

This reached its zenith in north Wales, where I grew up as a boy, with the masons allegedly having their own dedicated police lodge, raising serious concerns about impartiality and conflicts of interest as well as the course of justice being impeded by thorny stubborn eccentric parochial ropes and ties.

In their sinisterly slick and seriously manic, mad momentum-led march to “modernise” and “progress” with more women at the helm and rainbow-coloured cops coming out literally and metaphorically at Pride, our police now has set itself the task of aggressively publicly renouncing its past (like a relative recently set free from prison who insists on attending family gatherings dressed in a white suit and carrying a copy of the Bible to show they’ve turned over a new leaf).

One officer who was kind enough to offer me a lift home in his car once after my bicycle had been stolen assured me that the police was a far more “progressive” body today than in the past, evidenced, he told me, by the fact that he had a university degree and had considered other options including retail management before settling on his beat. This was very cold comfort for me as the theft was never investigated and nothing was done about my report (surprise, surprise) and all he effectively did was to warn me not to approach anyone I thought had stolen it nor, even, to challenge anyone who I definitely saw riding it.

What I most definitely did NOT want was for him to suggest some political motivation for the theft because that is NOT the business of our police.

What, for instance, if someone had been apprehended and a trawl of their internet history revealed that they had made comments on social media which were unfriendly to Islam (it’s usually to Islam and rarely if ever to Christianity) and had been spotted at free speech gatherings.

“Yes, it’s clear that far-right extremists have targeted you, sir. The fact that the bike was black in colour may have roused them and clearly there is evidence of similar activity among Nazi mobs in general now,” Peter Plod, who turned down a career in retail management, might have told me.

Cops must distinguish between right and wrong, not right and left.

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